Alone

I guess lots of things happening. My trip with my friend at Pangkor Island. The struggle of one to overcome challenges, that include me. Facing obstacles and reliving past memories. It seems all happen in just a swift of time. I'm speechless, lack of something to share but at the same time, the urge to type is there. Wanting me to type freely in my spare time.

I'm taking a break today. Requested leave to ease up things. Clean up my clothes and buying groceries. All things that necessary. While at the same time, finding my soulmates. I have the effort to find it at one of the apps in my mobile phones but it seems that I'm a little bit choosy. 

Yesterday my friend show to me a photo of his worker, a very young fella. Wears appropriate clothes and a kind and helpful person. The first thing that I asked was her photo.

He said that today, he would send her photo to me. Yesterday, he secretly snap her photo from far away, just to help me. Fulfill my request. It was blurred and I had to zoom in to focus on her face.

I didn't expect anything. Just be friends with her. Knowing her. Other than that, my life was just normal. A bit lonely.

Finding soulmate isn't easy.

You know that you have lack of something. Weakness that only she knows. And she complete you. The search to find that person who will fill the gap, the loneliness is still on until now. Sometimes I even question myself. 'Am I ready?'

Even so if I am ready, my financial aren't. I didn't have savings for weddings. I have a planning but it still in mist. It wasn't that I could not forget my previous relationships but those experiences taught me a lot on trusting someone or having someone to trust me.

It is 'give-and-take' situation. And maybe I am choosy in finding the one for me. I don't know what future holds me. Am I married this year? Will I be having troubles? Are they anyone who adore me secretly.

I might put my emotion first in all this brainstorming.

Sometimes, I really need a break. Clear my mind and try to push myself forward. Mom and dad are by side. Always supported me. I am really grateful for them. I really do.

So, this wasn't a confession, right? It was just a simple post. About my current being. Not sad or anything. Just maybe I wasn't bonded enough with Him.

Yeah. I think it is.

Assalamualaikum.